I really appreciate this post and resonate with so much of it. The angle of sin and ‘missing the mark’ is so true and not often discussed- thanks for reminding us how much children’s flourishing matters to Jesus. I’m a long time Jonathan Haidt fan and I really value your platform. I share many of these concerns when talking to parents daily as a pediatrician, and I grieve that resources and conversations like these are less accessible to parents when language or literacy barriers exist. I struggle sometimes to convey these deep concerns in the briefest of time we are given for visits, but I’m hopeful that with more conversations, legislations, and prayer, that cultural norms are shifting. Thank you for the work you do!
Thank you, Kathleen! I have multiple pediatricians who are interested in developing a quick diagnostic tool for visit and/or something you can quickly put in a parent's hand while you have their attention. Would you be interested in joining that conversation?
I have often wondered how my fellow Christ following sisters and brothers have given their children (under age 13) social media accounts and knowingly fudged their birth date. I wondered if there was any conflict in their mind when they did that. They aren't bad parents by any means but I wonder what their reasoning was for giving them the social media account knowing they were lying. These are people I know and love so there's no anger or judgement.
Chris - Please continue to obey the Lord. There are not enough voices out there willing to speak up against this topic. I do believe one the the reasons is that adults/parents are caught up in the social media realm and living a life of sin. They are not willing to give up their idols/entertainment/addictions, for the sake of helping their own families. Many have lost the relational life that we are created for. That is not only the relationships with others, but with the Lord our God. Social Media has robbed so many of that. Of course, there will always be the argument of the good that Social Media does, but I think there is a much stronger argument for the damage that it has done and continues to do. Why will so many not look at it more deeply? Because so many walk in darkness and do not want their ways to be exposed. Keep exposing the truth of this! You are not alone! Social Media is just one deceptive way that the enemy is keeping us from living truly through Jesus Christ. Scripture says "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." James 4:17.
Then to answer your question, if we know that we should not give our children social media, and then give it to them, then yes, it is sin.
This also may depend on what Social Media our children have access too. But we could probably go back and forth all day on this, talking about filters, levels of access, etc.
Let us be bold, in the Lord and seek what is right, just, pure and true.
Let us keep busy with our hands, hearts, and minds, and teach our children to do the same. Then, and hopefully then, we won't have the time or desire to be on Social Media.
What a powerful article. Thank you. “Love the Lord your God with your whole heart, soul, and strength.” I am Jewish and this line is put into the high point of our prayers where we acknowledge God as One. In that prayer it also says to teach our children of this, speak of it in our homes and out in the world, and take care not to be lured into worshipping false gods... Thank you. I am seeing these prayers and the wisdom open up in whole new ways. I have always felt it but now I see it fully and have the sacred texts affirming it. We are approaching our High Holy days which are all about acknowledging where we "Miss the Mark". That is what the Day of Atonement is all about. Where am I missing my deep connection and Faith in The One? Where am I missing the mark in my life? How can I stay strong from a place of Love and remember when weary where my true strength comes from. Let's just say my prayer life has changed a lot these past few years! Really beautiful teachings Chris. Walking this path of parenthood and the shadow of technology looming (walking through the valley of the shadow of death if we don't stand strong), is proving to be the most difficult task. I am truly battle weary as I contend with heavy spouse and child resistance to my adamant need to control all devices and programming. Our 15 yr. old does not have a full time phone yet, and it is not an iphone. Wow do I catch the wrath for that. I know phone is NOT the problem! This is taking me to a whole new level of strength & understanding. I feel armed with new insight and courage. Thanks for reading this far. I send prayers to all of us taking the hits when we have to say NO yet again. But it is a YES for keeping our children safe. And focusing on our connection to each other as our #1 priority, even if they don't quite see it yet. Take care everyone.
Thank you, Leah for sharing these reflections. I'm glad that the principles resonate across many perspectives! And, yes, we must stand firm, together! Blessings to you.
Chris - I am so incredibly grateful for you and what God has called you to. I share every post I see of yours and forward your emails to my friends. I am the wife of a pastor of maybe 175 in the church. Please let me know if you are open to coming for a special seminar. I'm not sure if you speak to churches about all of this but I'd love to give you that platform in our little community. https://calvaryredwing.org
Thank you, Kristen! I would love to explore a visit. We absolutely speak at churches, schools, and non-profits about all of these things with my amazing speaking team. If you'd like to begin the process with Michele, my assistant, here's the link! I hope we hear from you :) https://protectyoungeyes.com/internet-safety-presentation-request-form/
Somehow these truths were inherent in my heart so I had not yet considered giving my children (currently eleven & fourteen) devices or social media access and I got them out of the school system that provided devices. Still, I was so grateful to discover Protect Young Eyes and appreciate learning more from you there. The Anxious Generation likewise moved and motivated me to remain conscientious of these things. I don’t know when my husband will find time to read it so I’m glad to have this post to summarize some of the ideas it presents more eloquently than I could have! Thank you for what you do. It’s truly meaningful.
Wow thank you for writing this. Thank you thank you for not mincing any words regarding this extremely important topic. We must all do better for the sake of our children and our selves!
We are guilty of letting our guard down and letting these harmful activities ruin our lives and families. It’s not a positive thing to admit or think about. It’s not easy to say no to our kids and have them be the “only one” in the class that doesn’t have a completely unrestricted smart phone. However, most things that are worthwhile are not easy. It takes sacrifice.
I’m saddened and appalled that churches aren’t vocal about this! Our children are getting lost in this world and the church is mostly silent about this!
What you wrote really made it clear - “Is this how we should lead them? Is this how we teach them about holiness, goodness, kindness, and compassion?”
The answer is an obvious and loud NO! Smart phones and social media have been around long enough now that we have clearly seen the detrimental effects on all of us, mostly our children.
Parents must wake up and say no to these influences that are destroying the next generation.
My daughter was born in the year 2000, she was in middle school in 2012 to 2014. Graduated high school in 2019. Got her first smart phone in 2012.
I remember feeling unsettled when I gave her an iPhone at age 12, I started doing more research and came across interviews from Steve Jobs the Apple founder. He was asked how his kids liked their iPhones and iPads and he replied that those devices are not allowed at his home and that his kids went to no technology schools. That’s what did it for me.. why was he so adamant about that? Same with other large tech company founders.
I had my daughter read the articles with me and asked her some very hard questions about why she thought these tech company execs didn’t allow these devices for their own children. Very shortly after she got her iPhone I used all the parental controls and she never had an unlocked iPhone. We’re Christian so I also prayed for wisdom and strength to not be peer pressured by what all the other parents were allowing their kids to do. I showed her many Bible verses about how we’re supposed to lead our lives. It actually brought us closer because we were able to talk about all kinds of things.
She did have social media but it was limited to 15 mins a day on each app. Sometimes if she got in trouble with me she didn’t have any time at all on it.
Was it hard? Yes, she truly was the only one in her class that didn’t have full free access to social media and the internet on her phone. Did she try to push against it? Yes. Was it exhausting to say no 20 times every day? Yes, very very exhausting.
This lasted throughout high school, as she got older she understood the harms of social media and the internet because she saw first hand how some of her best friends had changed for the worse because of it.
There were periods of time when she asked me to unlock her phone all together (once she got to 11th grade) and she realized on her own that she just couldn’t handle all that technology and social media on her phone without any restrictions. At that point she asked me herself to lock it for her (music to my ears!)
She’s now 23 and has thanked me multiple times over the last years for putting my foot down and not letting the culture suck her into her iPhone and she said she’s definitely going to do the same with her children.
I pray for wisdom and strength for today’s parents. They need to stand strong and be parents. God help us all!
My parenting wasn’t perfect by any means, I have lots of faults, but God loves our children more than we love them and He has filled in the gaps where my parenting was lacking.
Ultimately it was a relationship with Jesus Christ and her relying on God’s guidance for her life that kept my daughter away from negative influences (I won’t take all the credit for how well she turned out!) All praise to Christ alone!
Thank you for these reflections! Your daughter is reaping the benefits of you setting aside some current happiness for long-term wellness. I truly want this for more families!
In my mid-20's I got my first social media account. By age 30, I had Instagram (when there were only a few filters and nobody really knew what a hashtag was.) By age 34 I completely walked away from Facebook. By age 38 I was done with Instagram. Nothing about social media caused me to better love God with my heart, soul, mind or strength, much less love others. Given how you define sin, I'd be hard pressed to say that my own social media use wasn't sinful.
I really appreciate this post and resonate with so much of it. The angle of sin and ‘missing the mark’ is so true and not often discussed- thanks for reminding us how much children’s flourishing matters to Jesus. I’m a long time Jonathan Haidt fan and I really value your platform. I share many of these concerns when talking to parents daily as a pediatrician, and I grieve that resources and conversations like these are less accessible to parents when language or literacy barriers exist. I struggle sometimes to convey these deep concerns in the briefest of time we are given for visits, but I’m hopeful that with more conversations, legislations, and prayer, that cultural norms are shifting. Thank you for the work you do!
Thank you, Kathleen! I have multiple pediatricians who are interested in developing a quick diagnostic tool for visit and/or something you can quickly put in a parent's hand while you have their attention. Would you be interested in joining that conversation?
I would love to!
Wonderful! If you don't mind connecting with us here, I'll be sure to keep the conversation going: https://protectyoungeyes.com/contact/. Thank you!
I have often wondered how my fellow Christ following sisters and brothers have given their children (under age 13) social media accounts and knowingly fudged their birth date. I wondered if there was any conflict in their mind when they did that. They aren't bad parents by any means but I wonder what their reasoning was for giving them the social media account knowing they were lying. These are people I know and love so there's no anger or judgement.
Wonderful, honest questions. And ones that I lovingly need every Christian parent to ponder!
Thank you, Chris! Agreed.
Chris - Please continue to obey the Lord. There are not enough voices out there willing to speak up against this topic. I do believe one the the reasons is that adults/parents are caught up in the social media realm and living a life of sin. They are not willing to give up their idols/entertainment/addictions, for the sake of helping their own families. Many have lost the relational life that we are created for. That is not only the relationships with others, but with the Lord our God. Social Media has robbed so many of that. Of course, there will always be the argument of the good that Social Media does, but I think there is a much stronger argument for the damage that it has done and continues to do. Why will so many not look at it more deeply? Because so many walk in darkness and do not want their ways to be exposed. Keep exposing the truth of this! You are not alone! Social Media is just one deceptive way that the enemy is keeping us from living truly through Jesus Christ. Scripture says "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." James 4:17.
Then to answer your question, if we know that we should not give our children social media, and then give it to them, then yes, it is sin.
This also may depend on what Social Media our children have access too. But we could probably go back and forth all day on this, talking about filters, levels of access, etc.
Let us be bold, in the Lord and seek what is right, just, pure and true.
Let us keep busy with our hands, hearts, and minds, and teach our children to do the same. Then, and hopefully then, we won't have the time or desire to be on Social Media.
"Let us be bold, in the Lord and seek what is right, just, pure and true." Amen and agree! Thank you for your thoughts.
Apologies for my post entering twice.
I deleted the duplicate :)
What a powerful article. Thank you. “Love the Lord your God with your whole heart, soul, and strength.” I am Jewish and this line is put into the high point of our prayers where we acknowledge God as One. In that prayer it also says to teach our children of this, speak of it in our homes and out in the world, and take care not to be lured into worshipping false gods... Thank you. I am seeing these prayers and the wisdom open up in whole new ways. I have always felt it but now I see it fully and have the sacred texts affirming it. We are approaching our High Holy days which are all about acknowledging where we "Miss the Mark". That is what the Day of Atonement is all about. Where am I missing my deep connection and Faith in The One? Where am I missing the mark in my life? How can I stay strong from a place of Love and remember when weary where my true strength comes from. Let's just say my prayer life has changed a lot these past few years! Really beautiful teachings Chris. Walking this path of parenthood and the shadow of technology looming (walking through the valley of the shadow of death if we don't stand strong), is proving to be the most difficult task. I am truly battle weary as I contend with heavy spouse and child resistance to my adamant need to control all devices and programming. Our 15 yr. old does not have a full time phone yet, and it is not an iphone. Wow do I catch the wrath for that. I know phone is NOT the problem! This is taking me to a whole new level of strength & understanding. I feel armed with new insight and courage. Thanks for reading this far. I send prayers to all of us taking the hits when we have to say NO yet again. But it is a YES for keeping our children safe. And focusing on our connection to each other as our #1 priority, even if they don't quite see it yet. Take care everyone.
Thank you, Leah for sharing these reflections. I'm glad that the principles resonate across many perspectives! And, yes, we must stand firm, together! Blessings to you.
Chris - I am so incredibly grateful for you and what God has called you to. I share every post I see of yours and forward your emails to my friends. I am the wife of a pastor of maybe 175 in the church. Please let me know if you are open to coming for a special seminar. I'm not sure if you speak to churches about all of this but I'd love to give you that platform in our little community. https://calvaryredwing.org
Thank you, Kristen! I would love to explore a visit. We absolutely speak at churches, schools, and non-profits about all of these things with my amazing speaking team. If you'd like to begin the process with Michele, my assistant, here's the link! I hope we hear from you :) https://protectyoungeyes.com/internet-safety-presentation-request-form/
Somehow these truths were inherent in my heart so I had not yet considered giving my children (currently eleven & fourteen) devices or social media access and I got them out of the school system that provided devices. Still, I was so grateful to discover Protect Young Eyes and appreciate learning more from you there. The Anxious Generation likewise moved and motivated me to remain conscientious of these things. I don’t know when my husband will find time to read it so I’m glad to have this post to summarize some of the ideas it presents more eloquently than I could have! Thank you for what you do. It’s truly meaningful.
Is it a coincidence that the Bible warns against our vices.....de-vices
I've used that one, too! We must de-vice ourselves :)
Wow thank you for writing this. Thank you thank you for not mincing any words regarding this extremely important topic. We must all do better for the sake of our children and our selves!
We are guilty of letting our guard down and letting these harmful activities ruin our lives and families. It’s not a positive thing to admit or think about. It’s not easy to say no to our kids and have them be the “only one” in the class that doesn’t have a completely unrestricted smart phone. However, most things that are worthwhile are not easy. It takes sacrifice.
I’m saddened and appalled that churches aren’t vocal about this! Our children are getting lost in this world and the church is mostly silent about this!
What you wrote really made it clear - “Is this how we should lead them? Is this how we teach them about holiness, goodness, kindness, and compassion?”
The answer is an obvious and loud NO! Smart phones and social media have been around long enough now that we have clearly seen the detrimental effects on all of us, mostly our children.
Parents must wake up and say no to these influences that are destroying the next generation.
My daughter was born in the year 2000, she was in middle school in 2012 to 2014. Graduated high school in 2019. Got her first smart phone in 2012.
I remember feeling unsettled when I gave her an iPhone at age 12, I started doing more research and came across interviews from Steve Jobs the Apple founder. He was asked how his kids liked their iPhones and iPads and he replied that those devices are not allowed at his home and that his kids went to no technology schools. That’s what did it for me.. why was he so adamant about that? Same with other large tech company founders.
I had my daughter read the articles with me and asked her some very hard questions about why she thought these tech company execs didn’t allow these devices for their own children. Very shortly after she got her iPhone I used all the parental controls and she never had an unlocked iPhone. We’re Christian so I also prayed for wisdom and strength to not be peer pressured by what all the other parents were allowing their kids to do. I showed her many Bible verses about how we’re supposed to lead our lives. It actually brought us closer because we were able to talk about all kinds of things.
She did have social media but it was limited to 15 mins a day on each app. Sometimes if she got in trouble with me she didn’t have any time at all on it.
Was it hard? Yes, she truly was the only one in her class that didn’t have full free access to social media and the internet on her phone. Did she try to push against it? Yes. Was it exhausting to say no 20 times every day? Yes, very very exhausting.
This lasted throughout high school, as she got older she understood the harms of social media and the internet because she saw first hand how some of her best friends had changed for the worse because of it.
There were periods of time when she asked me to unlock her phone all together (once she got to 11th grade) and she realized on her own that she just couldn’t handle all that technology and social media on her phone without any restrictions. At that point she asked me herself to lock it for her (music to my ears!)
She’s now 23 and has thanked me multiple times over the last years for putting my foot down and not letting the culture suck her into her iPhone and she said she’s definitely going to do the same with her children.
I pray for wisdom and strength for today’s parents. They need to stand strong and be parents. God help us all!
My parenting wasn’t perfect by any means, I have lots of faults, but God loves our children more than we love them and He has filled in the gaps where my parenting was lacking.
Ultimately it was a relationship with Jesus Christ and her relying on God’s guidance for her life that kept my daughter away from negative influences (I won’t take all the credit for how well she turned out!) All praise to Christ alone!
Thank you for these reflections! Your daughter is reaping the benefits of you setting aside some current happiness for long-term wellness. I truly want this for more families!
What a great question.
In my mid-20's I got my first social media account. By age 30, I had Instagram (when there were only a few filters and nobody really knew what a hashtag was.) By age 34 I completely walked away from Facebook. By age 38 I was done with Instagram. Nothing about social media caused me to better love God with my heart, soul, mind or strength, much less love others. Given how you define sin, I'd be hard pressed to say that my own social media use wasn't sinful.
Thank you for your reflections, Emily!