"Busy People Don't Have Epiphanies"
Parents, put down your phone and kick a rock. You might be a genius.
The title comes from an article I read from Ephrat Livni at Quartz.
The Italians have a name for it: “il dolce far niente”—the sweetness of doing nothing.
And the world might not have E=MC2 if Einstein hadn’t been inclined to sail aimlessly and toss rocks. Seemingly without purpose.
Although we often focus on kid screen time, parental attention has also been eviscerated by curated feeds and algorithms. In the words of famous biologist E.O. Wilson, “The real problem of humanity is we have Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions, and god-like technology.”
This means our ancient brains and outdated societal structures are no match for today’s tech. Our adult attention span is quickly becoming an endangered species. All while our children watch us closely.
Neuroscientist Alicia Walf, a researcher in the Department of Cognitive Science at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, says it’s critical for brain health to let yourself be bored from time to time. Your brain gets a much-needed rest when you’re not working it too hard.
In those moments that might seem empty and needless, strategies and solutions that have been there all along in some embryonic form are given space and come to life. For example, my executive coach asked me to take a call while walking in our neighborhood instead of standing at my desk on a Zoom call. Because he knows movement in nature can shake a few new things loose in our minds.
Famous writers have said their most creative ideas come to them when they’re moving furniture, taking a shower, or pulling weeds. These eureka moments are called insight.
Has this ever happened to you?
In the Bible, we read Mary “pondered these things in her heart.” (Luke 2:19) The Hebrew word here, “לְהַרהֵר,” (lehirher) means “to contemplate, ruminate, and meditate.” This isn’t a Google search. This isn’t searching for a YouTube video or asking ChatGPT for answers. It’s weighing meaning with your own inspired thoughts and mental wanderings. Letting ideas simmer. If a believer in God, allowing His Spirit to also wander in and nudge.
“The seeds of Einstein’s incredible ideas were planted during the year he took off from high school in the 1890s, during which he contemplated the world with no pressure to pass exams or accomplish anything at all.”
As a teenager, he learned to sail, and it was out on the water that he observed the workings of the universe and came to understand that space and time were curved, findings that revolutionized science.”
Ephrat Livni, Quartz.
I love how they characterize Einstein in the movie Oppenheimer. There’s a scene where Oppenheimer approaches Einstien who’s just tossing rocks into a pond. Arguably the most intelligent man on earth. Just tossing rocks. Similarly, a friend who’s a family therapist often tells me, “It’s better for your mental health to kick a rock down the road than check your phone.”
Parents, do your children observe you leaving space in your life to just toss and kick rocks?
Even though it has been over 15 years, I can still point to the spot on the sidewalk during a long run where I knew I had to admit to Andrea I struggled with addiction and it was time to come clean. Or where I was walking in downtown Grand Rapids when I realized it was time to quit my consulting job and pursue a completely different path working in junior high ministry.
Moments of “nothing” that completely redirected my life toward “something” much better (and something about sidewalks, apparently).
Parents, how can you show your kids “the sweetness of doing nothing” in the digital age? It doesn’t have to be big. Just micro-moves. Here are a few:
No digital devices in the bathroom. I shudder to think about the germs on our devices.
Ditch phone holders in your car. Especially if you’re the kid chauffeur.
Don’t take your phone if you just need to get gas. Or a gallon of milk.
No, you don’t need to check email at the stop light.
Or while you’re waiting in line getting the milk. Talk to the teen ringing you up.
If you fly, try traveling without AirPods. The person next to you might give you an epiphany.
No phones in bedrooms. It’s good for kids and parents. Or if you must, at least don’t keep it on the nightstand next to your head. Place it across the room.
Be more aware of how often you take photos of your child with a smartphone. Try just studying them and absorbing what they’re doing. This might actually be more memorable.
Never at meals. Make dinner a raucous, relational event. Trust me. In a few years, you’ll LONG for more meals with your graduated kiddos.
Not at appointments (dentists, doctors). Talk to people. Connect with your kids. Read a magazine. Ponder life.
(I know this one will be tough for many) If safe, low-tech while exercising. Maybe a Garmin for Strava addicts (yeah, it’s a thing). For example, we live in the country and I don’t run with a phone or earbuds. Just an expired license in my pocket and a metal ID tag velcroed to my left shoe. I always let Andrea know where I’m going.
Not while walking the dog.
Do you have other ideas? Please share them!
“Modeling the Right Behaviors” is the first of our “5 Habits of a Tech-Ready Home.” Because our example as parents has a significant influence on how our children learn to engage with their technology. And for many, with Christmas break around the corner, we have an amazing opportunity to model “the sweetness of doing nothing.”
And who knows? If by watching you, they learn to ruminate, contemplate, and meditate, you might grow a genius.
I've found a great way to give myself blank, unstimulated time, is to turn my phone off an hour before bed and put it in a drawer in another room. I have an alarm on my phone at 9pm to remind me. So I wake up without my phone, and spend my morning phone free, which includes 20 minutes outside in my garden with a cup of tea getting morning sunlight. This gives me peaceful, calm time for reflection and solitude before the stresses of the day begin. I look forward to this so much every morning. I usually turn my phone on at 9am.
When I'm in the house I don't tend to carry my phone around with me in my pocket - I usually leave in my bedroom so I don't have it on me at all times. I've also turned off nearly all notifications except for calls and text messages, and took pointless distractions like email and internet browser off my phone so it really is just a communication tool, not a super computer as I find this just adds to the mental clutter and the feeling of always needing to check things.
As a creative person, I find most of my best ideas come when I'm unstimulated, staring into space, it's so important to guard that time!
You:"my executive coach ...knows movement in nature can shake a few new things"
Me:"test your emotions before and after... it's the law..."
...details on request?